Its been a year

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Yesterday marked a year since you left us Kak Noor,

It doesn't feel like it,

Since I still remember every moments we spent together clearly,

I still can feel your presence around me,

I still remember your reactions when I tease you about your skincare,

Telling you that it won't affect your skin but your health,

I still remember the moment you enter my room,

Asking me to lend you a Quran,

Because you said you wanna start to read Al-Mulk every night,

The moment you advice us about death, 

And how you said we should prepare ourselves for it,

I still remember few days before you left us,

I told you that you are the strongest among us,

Since you are the one who always doing the house chores,

And never complain about it,

You denied it by saying that you are old enough to be strong.

I guess that was the last conversation we had,

How I wish the last words coming out from me to you,

Is the words "I love you".

My dear Kak Noor,

A piece of cloth that you used to tie the handle of my cabinet is still there,

I'm not sure when I will be ready enough to release it, 

You did the knot cause you know 

How I will react if someone touch my belongings,

Especially when Maryam plays in my room when I'm away from home,

I still remember the moment I saw you sat besides the bed,

Where you used to put Maryam to sleep there,

And you looked sad,

But I didn't take the chance to talk to you,

Turn out that was the last chance that I ever had,

I still remember when we used to argue about food,

And you are always the one that give in,

I still remember the moment when I lift you up

Since you are very sick and couldn't move,

The moment I'm in the ambulance at the front seat,

Crying my tears out,

With you lying unconsciously at the back,

And never did I thought that was the last time 

I've ever see you near to me.

Dear Kak Noor,

I still don't know what to respond,

When Maryam asks me about your whereabouts,

Until this very moment,

She still asks us about you,

And whenever we are at the hospital,

She would say that you are there,

I guess one year is not enough to fade away the memories about you,

And I believe forever it won't be,

You took the special place in our heart,

And when you’re gone,

It left us with a black hole marked in our heart,

And I believe the mark will forever be there.

p/s: It took me one year to gather up my courage to write about you and there are still a lot more things weighing in my heart but I guess this is it for now. 

To anyone who read this, please spare few minutes from your time to read Al-Fatihah on behalf of our beloved Kak Noor, May Allah bless you all. Amin.